21/01/2017

here I am, after all this time without publishing anything in this blog.
Well, what can I talk about? i will be truth...
i won't lie this time, i will try not to be ashamed of my problems.
To begin, some part of me is just to tired of my life, sometimes i see that life is just a problem and that's a mistake, because in the deepest of my soul I know that life is wonderful if you believe it.
But even knowing that I can control my thoughts, I know I can't control my emotions, my experiences or my past... I just simply can't! How can I do to forget all the things that happened?
I know i'm living in the past, i don't know if it's getting better or worse, I remember i was sad before, but i'm more tired now.
I try everyday to build a castle with shit.
when you start living into your head, it can be hell or heaven, because there is only ONE type of reality, YOUR reality, and that's the problem, you can't decide what's in there, it's just in there...
i'm not living at all, i try to live de moment, but i think that i'm so much time alone, so much to create a world into my head and live in there... i think it's insane... MAYBE I'M SO CONFUSED I CAN'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF.
MAYBE I'M TOO BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT SO BAD
I'M HAVING STUPID FEARSSSSSSSSSSS
I WASN'T LIKE THIS, I WAS DIFFERENT BEFORE
WHAT ABOUT THIS FEARS THAT I CANT CONTROL?????????????????????????
I NEED SOMETHING TO BELIEVE THAT MY LIFE IS NOT OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR